So Many Why's

There's so much I simply don't understand about this life sometimes. Right now there are so many, "Why's" being asked in my head and especially my heart. Am I simply supposed to yearn for a life absent of anything out of the ordinary? Some days that would be a whole lot easier than a full life that brings heartache.

Soul Mates

* I am able to see my personal abilities and inabilities in balanced perspective

* I often put my spouse first through small acts of service

* I welcome advice from my spouse on many topics and problems

* I admit when I am wrong

* I accept apologies from my spouse and offer forgiveness freely

* I respond graciously when I'm right and my spouse is wrong

I found this checklist a long time ago, during my surfing of information. It seemed to be a very timely reminder. I've been blessed with the opportunity to share my life with a soul mate. A person who is always with me...sees me at my utmost worst and helps me to shine. I'm to be his helpmate...a support, encouragement, ears which will hear and allow the day to melt away, give unconditional love and so very much more.

This checklist just seems to be a very important piece in the whole sharing of life with a soul mate.

Why?

Sometimes I find myself thinking, "Why?" So many variations come to mind and for so many circumstances. Then I realize how terrible it must sound to you for me to say those things. It's not my right to question, especially since you don't cause everything to happen...especially since there was never some magical promise of a life free from suffering, pain, uncertainty, etc.

Guide me...mold me...please Lord. Break me down and rebuild me where that needs occur. Soften me in places that need softened. Purify and refine me in the places that require it. Give me strength and endurance for the race ahead. Give me a heart that yearns to lift up the people around me. Give me a heart that's burdened for my city, province, country and the world.

Always help my eyes stay focused on their first love...

I'm Losing It...

"You have to lose your mind in order to gain control of it."

Have to say that I don't even know where I got this one from. But, it made some good sense. Seems that after those days when things are at their worst and you wish that you were anywhere except the present, some of the greatest clarity comes.

I guess you could say that it's kinda like 'losing your mind'. Once everything's completely lost, then comes the rebuilding of what should be there. Then comes the regaining of control that somehow went AWOL throughout the rhythms of life.

But the end of the day goal should be, to move towards fewer of those episodes, similar to a bungee jumping life and more towards the constant line, where some semblance of constant becomes the norm.

One-Way?

"Ministry is never a one-way street..."

This quote seems to be at the forefront of my mind, in terms of all aspect of ministry...'cause in my mind, life is a huge ministry, as well as those jobs you do in the church. Thinking about what you do when you realize that things might be on a one-way street and how you deal with it, without seeming selfish and self-absorbed.

Or if you feel unappreciated...taken advantage of...are you simply being selfish for thinking it?

Attitudes

My attitude as I begin a task will affect its outcome more than anything else.

My attitude toward others determines their attitude toward me.

My attidue is the major difference between success and failure.

My attitude can turn my problems into blessings.

My attitude can give me an uncommon perspective on life.

My attitude is my best friend or my worst enemy.

My attitude, not my achievements, will give me happiness.

My attitude will change when I choose to change it.

My attitude needs continual adjustments.

My attitude is contagious.

~Skip Ross

This fell into my hands last winter. It yelled volumes at me as I struggled to find balance and a positive mindset. There's that saying that you're seeing the world through rose coloured glasses...well it seemed for me that I was seeing it through darkened and negative glasses.

For me, my attitude is definitely all the above things. If I come in with a positive attitude, it doesn't matter whether or not I am sick or had the worse day, I find a way to get through things and achieve all that's supposed to be achieved. But then there are those days where I walk into things defeated and essentially fail at what I'm attempting, because I can't see past the defeat in my heart.

As the continued trek towards balance and peacefulness in my life happens, I am becoming more mindful of my mindset and my attitude. I am beginning to check my attitude daily, hourly and sometimes every moment, if feels necessary to do so. The realization is, that this is probably the biggest key to obtaining the balance and peacefulness that I am striving so strongly to obtain in my life.

A Mixed Review

As I sit in numbness,
Numb to the war going on inside of me
Confusion and anxiety overtake my mind
Why do I feel like a blur going through life?

I feel unworthy to hold the positions in life that I have.
I don't recognize myself in the mirror anymore,
I am a skelton of who I was
Not knowing how to get back to the real me.

Through the times of valleys and caves,
You are always by my side.
Never leaving, always listening, ready to re-energize my soul yet again,
My rock, the place I can cry at, be angry at, be complacent at, be happy and excited at.